


More Smarter

by killerweasel



Series: A Favor [1]
Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 20:01:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1022813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Scientist pays Charlie a visit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Smarter

Title: More Smarter  
Fandom: _It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia_  
Characters: Charlie Kelly, Scientist  
Word Count: 830  
Rating: PG  
A/N: AU after the events of _Flowers For Charlie_  
Warnings: n/a  
Summary: The Scientist pays Charlie a visit.

"Excuse me?"

Charlie paused his mopping when he heard someone come through the front door of the bar. He was pretty sure he'd locked it, but maybe he'd actually unlocked it again. Charlie dipped the mop back into the bucket before attacking a mysterious substance on the floor. "We're closed."

"Mr. Kelly, I need to speak to you."

The voice sounded familiar. Charlie turned around, sending soapy water in all directions in the process. Some of the water splashed onto the shoes of the man behind him. "Sorry, man." He blinked. "Science Bitch? What are you doing here this late? Or is it early? It's two in the morning, Doc."

"Don't ever call me that again." The scientist wiggled his foot, trying to get the liquid off of it.

"What's wrong with Doc?"

"I'm not objecting to that. My name is Harper Owens, not 'Science Bitch', Mr. Kelly." The expression on his face reminded Charlie of a very grumpy cat. "A small, angry man threatened me with a jar of urine when I went to your apartment earlier. He suggested I come here to find you."

"Frank did that?" Charlie snorted. "He usually only saves the piss jar for people trying to sell us something." He finished cleaning up the spot on the floor and began to work on the rest of the room. "Why are you here? You said I was going to be paid and I wasn't, so I'm not interested in being your lab rat again."

"About that..." Harper shifted from foot to foot. "You were supposed to get your money, Mr. Kelly, but one of the higher-ups felt the experiment was a total failure and didn't deserve the money we'd been promised. Another thought what we did was rather underhanded and slightly unethical."

"Call me Charlie." Charlie twisted the mop in his hands, stretching to reach under a table. "Do you have any more of those pills I was taking? Those things were great." He finished the final corner of the room and walked over to the bar. "You want a beer?" Charlie twisted the cap off of the bottle. He drank half the contents in a couple of swallows. "Mopping always makes me thirsty."

"I'm fine, thank you." Rubbing his temple, Harper crossed the room and sat down on one of the barstools. "You do understand those pills didn't actually make you smarter, right? They're just sugar, Charlie."

Charlie waved a hand at him. "They made me feel smarter and I got to do things I've never done before. I played chess. I listened to audio books. I did experiments. I tried to learn another language. I did math. I might have done most of it wrong, but I did it and that should count for something. Plus, I didn't have to do any of the Charlie Work for a change." He grinned.

Harper snagged a napkin from the counter and began picking it apart with his fingers. "Do I want to know what the 'Charlie Work' is?"

"You know all those things people hate to do, but they still need to be done? That's Charlie Work." He finished the rest of the beer and let out a belch. "I'm very good at killing rats."

"Ah." Harper had a little pile of napkin shreds in front of him. "While you're not the most intelligent man in the world, Charlie, I don't think you're stupid either."

Charlie arched a brow. "Was that a compliment?"

"That experiment you did in your apartment with the magnets was interesting. I read through Tang-See's notes about it." Harper tore another napkin into strips, adding to what was already in front of him. "The reason I tracked you down at this ungodly hour, is I believe you deserve monetary compensation of some sort for your participation."

"Can you repeat that in a way that makes sense?"

"You should be paid." He waded up the paper shreds until they resembled a rather dry snowball. "What would you want as payment?"

"I get to pick?" Harper nodded. "Honestly, I couldn't care about the money. I'd just spend it on something I don't need or one of my friends would borrow it and not pay me back, which would be like never having it in the first place. There's a little restaurant up the street from here, they're always open. They make a killer milksteak."

"You want to go have food instead of getting paid in cash." Harper stared at Charlie for a moment. "I'll pass on the milksteak, whatever that is, but perhaps I'll see if they have pancakes."

"They have some with chocolate chips." Charlie came around the counter. "I'd also like six months worth of those pills and a really big magnet. You know, the kind you can stick on a television and make it have a green patch forever."

Tossing his napkin ball in a nearby trashcan, Harper followed Charlie to the door. "You're a very weird man, Charlie."

"Thanks."


End file.
